Wednesday, July 08, 2009

Out, Damned (Brown) Spot!

Just in case I was missing the drama, in case I was allowing myself to inch too closely to a feeling of relief and total acceptance that this was really happening, a square of toilet paper this morning revealed another reason for concern: brown spotting. Or discharge. I don't know quite what to call it, and I'm sorry to be providing this kind of detail anyway, but it is germane to this conversation. All I know is that it was brown, and it was coming out of me while there is a baby in me. Actually it wasn't even quite coming out – it was just the tinest of amounts on the toilet paper itself. But still.

So...I called the doctor and the rest of the details will be too mundane and exhausting to recall here. But the bottom line is they tried using that doppler thing, the nurse claimed she heard the heart beating but I didn't, she quickly got the picture that I wouldn't be satisfied until I saw it beating and then they gave me an "unofficial" ultrasound. Which showed the heart beating, measurements of 11 weeks and nothing obviously awry. So you know what they do then? Absolutely nothing. Nada. They say it's probably nothing and send you on your merry way. But that doesn't make the spotting stop, and it doesn't make your mind stop either.

I then did what any girl who'd just gone through a heck of a lot to get to this point – I mean, I'm sorry, new doctor's office, but I am not one of your footloose and fancy free normal patients – would do: I obsessed until I came up with an explanation for the spotting. And that was the fact that I stopped my progesterone last week. But that didn't really solve anything – in fact it just created more complication and required more effort, like a call to my RE's office to explore that possibility, and then a call back to the OB's office. The bottom line: Nobody, absolutely nobody, thinks it's from low progesterone. Everyone thinks it's just some flukey, minor thing and I shouldn't worry about it. But I? Am going to the OB's office in the morning for a progesterone check. Because I can. And because I need to know that I'm doing all I can to prevent Bad Things from happening.

I swear that if the spotting really stops (it hasn't gotten any worse today and seems to be largely gone tonight) and my integrated screening (NT scan/bloodwork) goes well next Wednesday I am going to try – really try – to assume that things are going to work. So when something like this happens, I automatically think that it's probably nothing, instead of probably something. That will be my wish for myself tomorrow, as I blow out the candles and bid welcome to 33.

11 comments:

kirke said...

I'm sorry you were given any reason to obsess and worry. Everything should be smooth sailing....you deserve it.

I'm not sure if this helps at all, but everything I've read, heard, been told says that brown spotting is not the scary kind. I'm glad you are doing everything you need to be comfortable though. I would go in for a progesterone check too. Not because I think anything is wrong, just because it would make me feel better.

ang said...

I don't know you but I came across your blog and thought I'd leave a comment...

I had some brown spotting with both of my pregnancies at totally random times. (Both resulted in healthy, active, drive-me-batty little boys!).

Hang in there, Mama. You're doing great. And don't feel bad bugging your doctors about your concerns. That's your right and that's why we pay them so much anyway. ;)

sprogblogger said...

Glad you're taking charge and insisting that they deal with your concerns. Also glad it appears that there's nothing at all wrong. Spotting is scary, though, and I don't care what color it is. Anything coming out of that place where the baby is, is terrifying. Thinking of you and shall be watching for updates.

Kate said...

I think you're doing the right thing by checking the progesterone and being reassured by a good value. Without that, you won't be able to brush it off and react. Sometimes it can be from cervical irritation too, and they'd have seen a big bleed on the ultrasound if that's what was going on. By 11 weeks, your baby's placenta should be providing the E2 and progesterone, so I'm sure your numbers will be fine.
Hope they do the test for you soon!

thebigif said...

First of all, I am hoping that the spotting goes away and that nothing else arises to cause concern throughout the rest of your pregnancy. I think it absolutely reasonable for you to demand whatever tests will ease your mind. As you and others have said, you've spent a lot of time, emotion, and money to get to this point, and simple tests should not stand in the way of ensuring a healthy pregnancy. I hope all goes well with the progesterone test.

Second of all, Happy Birthday!!! May all your wishes come true in the year of 33.

anofferingoflove said...

geez, why cant it ever just be easy!? im so sorry to hear you had that scare and so relieved to hear your little bean is still doing well. (ack, my word verification is beane!)

happy almost birthday! hope 33 is wonderful!

Ashley said...

Damn this spotting!! I'm thinking that carefree pregnancies are definately not going to happen for us!! Just keep hanging in there and saying prayer!! We can do this:) I hope you have a wonderful BIRTHDAY!!!

Amanda said...

Well, spots are a sucky birthday present. I know it's scary, but you really are getting to the point that excitement and optimism would be totally justified. I hope it's all just a fluke and things are less eventful from here on out. Perhaps this is just one of those many common IVF pregnancy quirks.

Michelle said...

I am sorry I know it must be so frustrating and scary! If it helps my sister had the same thing with both her kids and she has to healthy little ones. I hope all goes well...I am sure it will. You are in my thoughts!

the Babychaser: said...

Oh god, if I ever get pregnant I'm going to be the most paranoid pregnant lady ever. That being said, I've heard from lots of sources that spotting--even bleeding--can be perfectly normal.

And you get a reminder everytime you pee. Nice.

Molly said...

I totally understand, and I'm glad you are finding a way to be comfortable with this pregnancy--this is what health insurance is for! Wishing you a good birthday!

- Molly
http://roots-andwings.blogspot.com/