Sunday, March 07, 2010

More Sweet Than Bitter

My baby turned one month old this week. A month old. Baby. In my arms. Who is mine.

I don't know if I'll ever get over the wonder of it all. Don't know if I'll ever stop tearing up when I think about the journey from there to here. When I look at him and touch his soft little head and feel his warm breath on my neck when I pick him up. He smiled this week – a real, true smile, not one of those teasing, reflex ones – and I broke down in tears. I am an emotional dishrag when it comes to this little man.

It's already going by so fast. And I know it's only the beginning – it will continue to rush by, slowing down at times –when he has a tantrum at Target or tells me he's too old for his mom or slams his bedroom door shut and blares awful music – but the months and years flying before us faster than we can keep up with photos and memory books. With this kind of crazy love comes the sweet sadness that comes with putting away his newborn outfits, saying goodbye to each stage as it passes.

It's more sweet than bitter. The only thing I can do is close my eyes and take mental pictures. Feel these moments deeply, marinate in them. Hold them near.

10 comments:

sprogblogger said...

What a lovely post. Thank you for sharing this with us.

Kate said...

Beautifully written. Makes me think I'll be feeling the same way in a few weeks, but might not be able to express it so eloquently.

作弊 said...

向小善致敬,它使人生旅程較為平順。........................................

anofferingoflove said...

what a sweet post! glad to hear you are relishing motherhood :D

Jamie said...

Yes - beautifully written. I have had those same thoughts myself. Last week I was looking at some pics we had made of Skeeter when he was one week old. I think back to that time and even then I couldn't imagine the little man he has turned into at five months old.

Dreams and False Alarms said...

I love this stuff! Gives me so much hope--knowing that after all this bitterness, I might be able to feel wonder and awe. Thanks for sharing this.

birdsandsquirrels said...

One month already! What a beautiful post. I think that our difficult journeys to get to this place have made us cherish each and every moment.

Heather said...

Congratulations! Don't worry about not blogging often. The newborn stage is so exhausting! Hope to hear more stories of you doing well soon.

PJ said...

Yes, I've been told to snuggle and love on my girls lots from the beginning, that it goes so quickly.

Glad you are doing well.

said...

真正的愛心,是照顧好自己的這顆心。........................................