Thursday, June 26, 2008

Some Lemon for Your Wound?

Just when I think the two week wait couldn't get any harder, my husband announces there is a business trip to Asia. He leaves the Sunday after my Wednesday pregnancy test and will be gone for my birthday and the two consult appointments I have with new REs (if my test is negative). So let me get this straight, I say. While I'm still melting down from a negative test (no one has ever accused me of being an optimist), wallowing in self-pity over having another childless birthday, and consulting with two new doctors on when the hell (if ever) I'm going to get pregnant, you'll be on the other side of the earth? Yep, that's about it.

After I recovered from the blinding, irrational-yet-inevitable rage, I felt instantly guilty for said rage. What if there was a fertilized egg trying to attach and had decided, you know what, this woman is too high strung for me? After all, I was 9 days past my IUI -- smack in the middle of the 6-12 days required for implantation. Or what if it had already attached and was now shaken loose by my fury?

As my obsession about this point continued this morning, a very wise friend of mine made a good point: If getting upset were a good way to prevent or end pregnancy, why would birth control exist or unwanted pregnancies ever progress at all? These women's doctors could simply say, "Yes, you're pregnant, but if you just get pissed off at someone and scream and yell a little, problem solved!" And if getting upset were so harmful, why would God make pregnancy hormones turn women into emotional time bombs?

The thing is, life doesn't stop handing you lemons just because you're in the two week wait, or pregnant. And we don't stop feeling upset, angry, sad, anxious, irritable or sensitive just because we're trying to become mothers. While we may not always feel capable of making lemonade, the least we can do for ourselves is keep the juice out of our wounds. I'm trying my best not to add worrying about worrying to the angst of the two-week wait.

As a completely random (in every way) aside, there was just a commercial on ABC for a special with "seemingly traditional" families who are adopting monkeys -- yes, monkeys -- as their children. Walk them around in strollers and everything. Maybe they're onto something. Maybe if this human baby thing doesn't work out....

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I can definitely relate to the no good, very bad mood thing. I recently had a meltdown over ice cream. But we will get our babies, no matter how bad our moods are, and if we don't, we can at least get matching monkeys (who at least won't go to expensive colleges or get caught smoking pot in our basements). And I am totally available for birthday and post test (good or bad) hang outs!