Could they please stop making holidays that make me feel more barren? I thought once Christmas -- with the tiny tots and their eyes all aglow -- was behind us I would be safe, at least until next year (but by then, surely I'd be pregnant). I was wrong. There was Easter, with the adorable little ones in their ruffly dresses and miniature suits chasing pastel eggs around lawns across the nation. And then Friday we had Independence Day, the latest holiday that apparently requires kids to celebrate fully. There are parades (which stop being fun and start seeming weird around the age of 13). Fireworks. Family picnics. Cookouts which, since most of our friends now have kids, are now more keep-the-kids-occupied than pour-me-another-drink.
And yet, this weekend my husband and I celebrated our own independence before he took off for his trip. We had a long, leisurely lunch while watching the Red Sox game. Went out to a late dinner. Had multiple glasses of perfectly crispy Chardonnay on a whim. Slept late, got up and played tennis then made a late breakfast. It felt like old, pre-fertility treatment times. We couldn't go to the family-oriented Fourth of July events. On the other hand, we didn't have to go to the family-oriented Fourth of July events. We were free to go wherever we wanted, whenever. No one being overtired, cranky or whiny forced us to change our plans.
Someday -- and I pray it's someday soon -- I hope that all changes. I hope to have a little person dictating what we do all weekend. I'll gladly give up every ounce of independence for that. But until then, instead of pining for the family we don't have, we can -- and will -- keep celebrating the one we do.
Sunday, July 06, 2008
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4 comments:
I hear you...what I wouldn't give to give up my "go out on a whim" or "hours of knitting time every evening" to play servant to the squealing hungry wet poop machine! Hopefully soon we can both declare our independence...of a different sort. Our INDEPENDENCE FROM INFERTILITY!!!
*raising a glass of Chardonnay in honor of our dreams!
I have to be better at doing this-- at remembering what I love about the life we have already. It is so easy for me to simply feel as though all is lost every month when I get my period and so much harder for me to remember to be thankful for the sleeping in and the late dinners out, for the freedom to go out whenever with no diaper bags or carseat in tow.
Here's to being thankful for what we have now, even as we strive toward the future.
Ohh!! Great header by the way!
This is a great post. I think it helps to keep reminding us that there is a lot of freedom that comes with being childless... even if it is an independence we would like to relinquish.
Thanks for the comfort about injectibles. You're right. If I have to go there, I will.
Turia.
Here from Lost and Found, heard it was your birthday!!! happy b-day :)
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