Monday, June 22, 2009

Leave Your Bags Behind

The thing about infertility is that the emotional baggage it brings with it doesn't get packed up and shipped off at the moment of a positive pregnancy test or a good ultrasound. It stays with you, keeping you from exhaling and believing that all will be well.

Today, I will be meeting with an obstetrician for the first time. When I walk into the waiting room – which I assume will be filled with pregnant women who, upon peeing on a stick and seeing two pink lines, began picking out names and crib bumpers – I will be just another pregnant person. Just another one, that is, until I begin telling my new doctor about my battle scars, warning her about my particular angst in a way that hopefully doesn't send her running for the door in favor of less neurotic patients. I am going to need some extra hand holding. I am used to getting it at the RE's office, and I'm not sure how to ask for it from someone who is used to dealing with women more busy blossoming and glowing than panicking and ruminating.

I want to unload this baggage. It's a difficult thing to do after carrying it for so many miles, so long a journey. But I'm trying to trust that I no longer need it.

12 comments:

sprogblogger said...

Oh yeah. If you find a way to ditch it I want lessons, and I want private tutoring sessions, as well, since I suspect I won't get it the first time around.

I hope the new doc is good for a bit of hand-holding. The best ones are, in my opinion, and it's worth shopping around until you find one who's just what you're looking for.

anofferingoflove said...

good luck at the first ob appointment today! it's definitely hard to feel like you belong in a waiting room full of pregnant women (i still dont).

i second the pp'er - if this OB doesnt give you the support you need, shop around! its a hassle,b ut totally worth it.

Ashley said...

Good luck!! I hope that your OB is understanding and patient!! I can't wait to hear how your appointment went!! GOOD LUCK:)

mylifechronicles said...

Wish you all the best at your OB appt. I hope the doc is understanding. I am sure you are not the first patient from the RE's office. If she doesn't want to hand hold you, I'd say look around. But I know... easier said than done. In any case, let's hope you don't have to.

kirke said...

seriously...can i dump my bags by yours? it doesn't really matter if i get them back. in fact, i would prefer it if they got lost.

i hope your OB gives you everything you need!! mine is somewhere in the middle....a bit no-nonsense, but a touch of soothing noises thrown in to appease me.

poppycat said...

I don't know if those bags ever get left behind but I always hope they will get lighter and lighter until one day you don't even notice you are hauling them. I hope yous get a little easier to manage soon.

I think you are wise to tell the DR exactly what you need from her. It's too hard to try to feel out and if she knows right up front what you need it will make it better for all of you. Good luck!

Michelle said...

I hope your new doc is very understanding. If you find the secret please let all of us in on it. :) Good Luck today!

birdsandsquirrels said...

The baggage is heavy. I can only hope that with each passing week, we can peel off a chunk and toss it by the side of the road.

I hope your OB appointment goes well, and that she is understanding and willing to hold your hand.

Egg Factory said...

I hope it goes well - and don't be afraid to tell them that you're freaked out. This is a big deal!

ICWL

histmedphd said...

You rock, Egg! And never assume anything in an OB's office. You may find yourself in good company there. Regardless, congratulations on the switch to regular care :)

JamieD said...

I hope your appointment went well! I am all to aware of the baggage. But I have found, with time, I take a little less with me each time I go to the OBs office. Hopefully, in time, you will find yourself lighter and lighter.

mekate said...

Remember, you are allowed to ask for what you need, and that what you need and where you've been are not crazy--
a little reassurance sure does go a long way. at least, say, until about halfway 'til the next ultrasound.

Wishing you all the best,
Kate