Monday, August 25, 2008

Ask and Ye Shall Receive Snark

In honor of that cherished American tradition of asking others -- without regard to Emily Post, privacy or closeness of friendship -- when they're having kids, I've prepared the following list of ten fabulously snarky comebacks:

1. "How much do you want to know about my girl parts?"

2. "If I could answer that, I'd teach at Harvard Med."

3. "Maybe you can give me some tips, because no baby yet, and we've sure been active upstairs (wink)."

4. "When are you getting your tubes tied?"

5. "Wow, this topic reminds me of the hour I spent weeping in my therapist's office the other day."

6. "I'll ask my ovaries -- I'm seeing them again on Wednesday."

7. "Why would we do that, when infertility is so much fun?"

8. "Speaking of taboo subjects, can you believe Barack finally picked his running mate?"

9. "I was hoping you'd just give me one of yours."

10. "Well, I was wondering the same thing while I was in the stirrups this morning. Here, let me reenact it for you -- could you move the salt and pepper?"

What's on your list?


Anonymous said...

I love those! It is too early in the morning for me to think of any snarky comeback (especially since yours were so good). I'll keep thinking, though . . .

kirke said...

I like to say, "Oh, we would have kids, but C. doesn't want me to get fat." and then look meaningfully at them. I think that's equally offensive.