Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Spoke Too Soon (Or, Why My Girl Parts Deserve a Caribbean Vacation)

You know how in my last post I made it sound like the miso*prostol was not as bad as you might think? How it seemed like the process was more or less over and I was feeling relatively fine physically?

When am I going to learn to keep my mouth shut?

Miscarriage is definitely one of those things that you really can't go into detail about in any kind of social situation. Some might call it bathroom talk. So, despite knowing that readers of this blog would have a higher threshold for hearing about it (at this point, it takes a lot to gross me out), I will spare you the specifics. Suffice it to say I've been up all night with some of the worst pain I've ever experienced. I don't even think you can call what I had "cramps" -- I think what I felt was in some sort of new category. And I sincerely feared bleeding to death in my sleep.

I think my reproductive organs have decided to go on strike. They can't take it anymore. And I don't blame them. They deserve a break, and so do I. My husband and I were considering booking a last-minute (warm weather) vacation later this week, but the way things are going it's now out of the question. I feel like crap and I don't want to be far away from doctors and medical facilities that I know and trust.

It's not fair. Such a juvenile, simple-minded protest, but I keep going back to it. It's not fair that my body is doing all of this work to get rid of something dead instead of bringing something to life. It's not fair that this miscarriage is happening in two parts -- the failed pregnancy with no end in sight. It's not fair that my husband and I have this rare and much-needed opportunity to get away and recuperate, but the miscarriage won't let us.

It's not fair. The girl parts and I, we need a break.


bunny said...

you are right. it is not fair. period.

and yes, it is scary and painful and a little remarkable that all of that "stuff" could come out and one could still be standing.

hang in there. thinking of you.

Anonymous said...

it is absolutely not fair. miscarriage is cruel and random and totally sucks.

i hope you can get away some other weekend soon. we went to the beach for a weekend, and it was very nice to stand by the water with my sweetie. you need a break from real life after going through this tragedy.


Michelle said...

It is so not fair. I really hope things get better for you soon because this really sucks. I am sorry you have to endure this. Hang in there!

the Babychaser: said...

Oh god, so not fair! And the pain of a miscarriage (and I've only ever been pregnant a few weeks) really is unbelievable. Like some hideous monster is clawing at the insides of your uterus. Can't believe anyone ever describes it as "cramps." (The good news is, if a lot is coming out it's less likely you'll need a D&C, which makes it more likely that this will all be over soon.)

I wish there was some way to skip the physical pain and torment. Isn't it bad enough to have your hopes and dreams shattered?

All I can say is this: do everything you can to take care of yourself. A miscarraige is a huge shock to the system, and your hormones are going to be on meltdown mode for a few weeks at least. So cut yourself a lot of slack and try to be gentle with your self, maybe even a bit self-indulgent.

I'll be thinking of you. Happy fucking holidays, right?

Offshore Wife said...

I am so sorry. No, it is not fair at all.

Anonymous said...

So so sorry! Not fair in the least. Now which line do I need to stand in to talk to the manager of the girl parts department? Seriously.

I wish you could be on vacation now. Hopefully it can happen SOON.

JamieD said...

No, it is not fair. I have been saying that so much lately, I feel like I should start wearing my hair in pig-tails again.

My first miscarriage started the night before my D&C and I have never known such pain - both physicial and emotional. With my second miscarriage, I spent everyday before my scheduled D&C afraid it would happen again.

I am truly sorry you had that experience.

Turia said...

Oh Egg, I am finally reading all of this now. I am so sorry. It is not fair, not at all. I hope everything gets resolved quickly (what a horrible word) and that 2009 brings you much joy and happiness.