Fast Forward

One year ago on May 2, I walked into the clinic for an egg retrieval, not knowing whether it would lead to a baby or more heartache.

Today, the product of that cycle turned three months old. That cycle changed everything – changed me forever. I look at this baby and still can't wrap my brain around his existence, how all of the shots and scans, the tears, an egg retrieval and transfer, and hope against all odds added up to this real, live baby that smiles back at me.

But he's definitely real. I cleaned up his very real diaper blowout tonight.

Decent Exposure

I think it's safe to say that I've never taken my boobs out at work before. So today was a first on several fronts – first day back after my leave, first time exposing my ta-tas in an office setting. It was more than surreal sitting there in the tiny server room, computer fans humming over the sound of my pump, as I whipped up my shirt and stuck the suction cups on.

If I'd allowed myself to imagine (I was too frightened) what this would feel like several months ago while I was still pregnant, I wouldn't have believed I was capable of it. It's amazing what you'll do, without thinking twice, for your baby.