Today's result: 1,236. I've crossed the finish line on betas, and the bruise on my hand from the first one has finally, finally healed. Thank you, God. And goodbye to all that.
Next up: a 3-D form of terror. First ultrasound scheduled for Friday morning. I'm bracing myself, though I'm also trying to exhale a bit since the next two days will be free from any kind of check on whether I'm still pregnant, and becoming more so. I need to seize the opportunity to stop being in a constant state of alarm, if only for 48 hours.
So far, pregnancy doesn't feel like pregnancy at all -- or at least not what I anticipated it would feel like when I thought about it the thousands of times that I did. The symptoms I've had so far have been subtle and not at all pointing undeniably to a bun in the oven. So the only proof I have are these numbers which mercifully have done exactly what they're supposed to do. Here's hoping the ultrasounds follow suit, and that I can start to feel something more tangible about this pregnancy, something to hold on to, something that makes it feel more real. Something that gives me permission to believe in it and -- imagine this -- enjoy it. (Just please let this something not be violent morning sickness as I loathe, and actually deeply fear, throwing up.)
Tuesday, December 02, 2008
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5 comments:
Yay! So excited for you, Egg. I hope you get a chance to relax a bit now and maybe even (gasp!) enjoy the pregnancy.
So exciting!! YAY
Congratulations! Can't wait to hear about your ultrasound. I know the early weeks are tough when somedays you think you have symptoms and other not. It's kind of how I feel. If it wasn't for my lower abdomen getting bigger fast because it's twins, I'd be really wondering.
I'm glad you are done with the betas. One more hurdle passed. :)
Here from LFCA. Glad to hear that the betas are over. And OUCH for blood from the hands... been there done that... no fun! I just got my first BFP a couple of weeks ago and am now in the waiting game for the first u/s. And I totally agree with you... I need something more than the beta numbers to make me realize the truth of the situation. I am anxious to hear about your ultrasound.
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